Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Evan Longoria is a T-1000 and the Red Sox are "John Conner"
WTF. Evan Longoria eats piece of crap Lester fastballs for breakfast. I haven't seen a player have that much natural ability since Rance Mulliniks!
-- Post From My iPhone
-- Post From My iPhone
Desperation
Sometimes the rally cap is needed in place of HDH, Papi. No offense...(yes that was a pun).
-- Post From My iPhone
-- Post From My iPhone
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Justin Master, son.
Justin Masterson is growing a pair with his high and inside-ness.
-- Post From My iPhone
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Ramon Ramirez: The Omen (to ALE batters)
Ramon Ramirez... will... eat... your... brains... Texiera. Seriously, though, he is pretty scary up there to opposing batters.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Bullpen Booyah!
Yeah, so Saito gave up a homerun. Big deal. No bullpen will top the Sox. Ramon Ramirez made Carl Crawford puke in his mouth last night. I'm pumped!!! (photo soon)
-- Post From My iPhone
-- Post From My iPhone
Monday, April 6, 2009
Need Tickets, Want Tickets, Got Tickets, guy?
Opening day was a washout... but it must have been fun to see the scalpers have to stand in the the rain for five hours on Brookline Ave., dood.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Rocco Baldelli Makes Everyone Look Stupid
(Wikipedia) Rocco Baldelli attended the PEGASUS Gifted and Talented middle-school program at La Salle Academy in Providence before switching to Bishop Hendricken High School in Warwick, Rhode Island, for high school. There he posted a 4.25 grade point average and often tutored other students in physics. He was also a three sport star, excelling at baseball, basketball, and volleyball and was selected in the first round of the 2000 amateur draft. He has said that if he had not signed with Tampa Bay, he would have attended Wake Forest University, rather than Princeton.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
Tampa Bay Raze
Good morning Red Sox Nation. It's almost July. Rays in first? The Okie Dokie has been a high school fast ball. We lost two NL series' and what else... Buchholz flop (sue me, alright), a Colon blow, Manny's Hammies, Lowell's jazz hands, Coco Crisp's head-first sliding addiction, Jacoby Ellsbury's ailments, Timlin's old age... what's next!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Manny versus Youk.... FIGHT!
Kevin Youkilis: "You're a stupid jerk, that's why I'm playing outfield, loser..."
Manny Ramirez: "¡Tu tiene una barbilla repugnante del castor!" (You have a disgusting Beaver Chin!!!)
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
What's in a name?
Jason Varitek: "Ow!"
David Ortiz: "No way this douchebag is getting no no-hitter off me!"
Justin Duscherer is not that bad of a dude. He just shouldn't try and no-hit my team!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Shrunken Steriod Balls, I mean, Golden Thongs
Somewhere in the bowels of the Bronx, there is a three-dollar hooker without her golden thong...
From the New York Daily news:
The key to turning the Yankees season around could be under Jason Giambi's pinstriped pants.
The Yankee slugger revealed Friday he slips on a gold lamé thong with a flame-line waistband when he's trying to get out of a hitting slump - and he's shared it with his teammates.
"It works every time," Giambi told the Daily News after his secret was outed on Portfolio.com.
Derek Jeter agreed that Giambi's thong works, although "it's so uncomfortable running around the bases."
"I had it over my shorts and stuff," he said. "I was 0-for-32 and I hit a homer on the first pitch. That's the only time I've ever worn it."
Johnny Damon also admitted donning the golden panties "probably three times."
"I may need to wear it again soon," said Damon, who is batting a mediocre .255.
What is the secret of Giambi's golden thong?
"You're not worrying about your hands or your balance at the plate," Damon said. "You're worried about the uncomfortable feeling you're receiving."
In the earlier interview with Portfolio.com, Giambi claimed he also hung his thong in the lockers of teammates Bernie Williams, Robin Ventura and Robinson Cano when they had trouble generating runs.
"I only put it on when I'm desperate to get out of a big slump," Giambi said.
The News showed its support for the sagging Yankees by delivering 26 golden thongs to the clubhouse - one for every player on the team and manager Joe Girardi.
Damon accepted his with a smile, saying, "I will definitely wear it if I can."
The Yanks need something - they scored just six runs so far this week and are mired in the cellar despite having the biggest payroll in baseball.
Giambi - whose 2008 salary, $23.4 million, is the second highest in the majors - is struggling. He's hitting .181 with 7 homers and just 20 RBI.
While Giambi's silky secret may come as a shock to his fans, it wasn't news to his teammates.
"Whoever is on slumps, puts it on," catcher Jorge Posada admitted yesterday. "I don't know if it works. I haven't worn it yet."
Posada added that "a lot of players have worn it," but he didn't name names. Asked if the thong got washed between wearings, he gave a cringe-worthy answer. "Ask Jason," said Posada. "Jason is a little strange."
Yankee outfielder Bobby Abreu recoiled and threw his arms up in the air when a reporter waved a variation of Giambi's shiny underwear in his face.
"I don't know anything about that," Abreu insisted, though his bulging eyes said otherwise.
The question that appeared to get Abreu's boxers in a bunch made Mets catcher Brian Schneider chuckle before last night's Subway Series opener was rained out.
"There's no thongs being passed around the Mets," Schneider said. "Everybody's got their own lucky charm."
Giambi said the thong gets washed between wearings and he's had it since 1996, when he played for the Oakland Athletics. He said the company that provided him with undergarments made it for him as a joke - and he's been sharing the joke with his teammates ever since. The lucky undies were hanging in his locker yesterday.
"You've got to come and ask for it," he said. "That's the way it works."
Giambi's performance-enhancing trick ranks as one of the flashiest in a sport rife with superstitions, but the 37-year-old slugger is probably not the first ballplayer to boost his game by wearing offbeat undergarments.
Baseball lore is rife with stories about superstitious players wearing lucky boxers, or lucky T-shirts, or lucky socks - over and over again.
In the movie "Bull Durham," up-and-coming pitcher Nuke LaLoosh (played by Tim Robbins) was talked into wearing a black garter belt.
That way, LaLoosh explained, he can "keep one side of my brain occupied when I'm on the mound, thus keeping the other side slightly off-center, which is where it should be for artists and players."
In the Portfolio.com interview, Giambi didn't explain his thinking behind the thong, but then that's not his style.
The hard-partying, heavy-metal-loving, strip-joint-frequenting, Penthouse-reading Giambi said he is a Yankee cut from the Mickey Mantle mold.
Giambi bragged that his teammates called him a "modern-day Mick because I could play all day and party all night."
csiemaszko@nydailynews.com
----------------------
Pathetic Losers... period.
From the New York Daily news:
The key to turning the Yankees season around could be under Jason Giambi's pinstriped pants.
The Yankee slugger revealed Friday he slips on a gold lamé thong with a flame-line waistband when he's trying to get out of a hitting slump - and he's shared it with his teammates.
"It works every time," Giambi told the Daily News after his secret was outed on Portfolio.com.
Derek Jeter agreed that Giambi's thong works, although "it's so uncomfortable running around the bases."
"I had it over my shorts and stuff," he said. "I was 0-for-32 and I hit a homer on the first pitch. That's the only time I've ever worn it."
Johnny Damon also admitted donning the golden panties "probably three times."
"I may need to wear it again soon," said Damon, who is batting a mediocre .255.
What is the secret of Giambi's golden thong?
"You're not worrying about your hands or your balance at the plate," Damon said. "You're worried about the uncomfortable feeling you're receiving."
In the earlier interview with Portfolio.com, Giambi claimed he also hung his thong in the lockers of teammates Bernie Williams, Robin Ventura and Robinson Cano when they had trouble generating runs.
"I only put it on when I'm desperate to get out of a big slump," Giambi said.
The News showed its support for the sagging Yankees by delivering 26 golden thongs to the clubhouse - one for every player on the team and manager Joe Girardi.
Damon accepted his with a smile, saying, "I will definitely wear it if I can."
The Yanks need something - they scored just six runs so far this week and are mired in the cellar despite having the biggest payroll in baseball.
Giambi - whose 2008 salary, $23.4 million, is the second highest in the majors - is struggling. He's hitting .181 with 7 homers and just 20 RBI.
While Giambi's silky secret may come as a shock to his fans, it wasn't news to his teammates.
"Whoever is on slumps, puts it on," catcher Jorge Posada admitted yesterday. "I don't know if it works. I haven't worn it yet."
Posada added that "a lot of players have worn it," but he didn't name names. Asked if the thong got washed between wearings, he gave a cringe-worthy answer. "Ask Jason," said Posada. "Jason is a little strange."
Yankee outfielder Bobby Abreu recoiled and threw his arms up in the air when a reporter waved a variation of Giambi's shiny underwear in his face.
"I don't know anything about that," Abreu insisted, though his bulging eyes said otherwise.
The question that appeared to get Abreu's boxers in a bunch made Mets catcher Brian Schneider chuckle before last night's Subway Series opener was rained out.
"There's no thongs being passed around the Mets," Schneider said. "Everybody's got their own lucky charm."
Giambi said the thong gets washed between wearings and he's had it since 1996, when he played for the Oakland Athletics. He said the company that provided him with undergarments made it for him as a joke - and he's been sharing the joke with his teammates ever since. The lucky undies were hanging in his locker yesterday.
"You've got to come and ask for it," he said. "That's the way it works."
Giambi's performance-enhancing trick ranks as one of the flashiest in a sport rife with superstitions, but the 37-year-old slugger is probably not the first ballplayer to boost his game by wearing offbeat undergarments.
Baseball lore is rife with stories about superstitious players wearing lucky boxers, or lucky T-shirts, or lucky socks - over and over again.
In the movie "Bull Durham," up-and-coming pitcher Nuke LaLoosh (played by Tim Robbins) was talked into wearing a black garter belt.
That way, LaLoosh explained, he can "keep one side of my brain occupied when I'm on the mound, thus keeping the other side slightly off-center, which is where it should be for artists and players."
In the Portfolio.com interview, Giambi didn't explain his thinking behind the thong, but then that's not his style.
The hard-partying, heavy-metal-loving, strip-joint-frequenting, Penthouse-reading Giambi said he is a Yankee cut from the Mickey Mantle mold.
Giambi bragged that his teammates called him a "modern-day Mick because I could play all day and party all night."
csiemaszko@nydailynews.com
----------------------
Pathetic Losers... period.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Jacoby Cam
Friday, May 16, 2008
Bullpen or Pigpen? You make the call.
So, how did a grand slam by Hideki Okajima make you feel? It made me feel like someone smeared pig crap on my upper lip. Manny Delcarmen is hit or miss. Craig Hansen in ugly. Javier Lopez is mediocre. Paps is sub par. What the hell is going on? Four games lost in a row and now were facing an unfamilar Brew Crew??? Why don't we just spoon feed Tampa first place. The Red Sox Bullpen needs a slop-cleaning!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Eat your mashed potatoes, Timmy...
I really think it's time for Timlin to start managing AA ball and not pitch for us anymore. I love Timmah more than most, but it's time to put the racehorse to sleep, kids.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Diced Twinkies
Daisuke Matsuzaka earns his 6th win of 2008 and an imprint of his face on a derivative of his nation's flag.
Jonathan Slumpelbon
Don't worry. We all know he'll be back to ripping the still-beating hearts from batters trunks soon enough.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
How Many More Times, Dice-K?
How many more times is Mike Lowell going to save your ass, Dice-K. Hey man, I love you anyway, Mister 5-0.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Old Pair of Sox (2005)
Never forget... Tony Graffanino. Don't let that one stupid play turn him into a Buckner v CHI in '05 ALDS. He did bat .319 down the stretch.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Clay Buchholz Makes Theatrical Debut
Last night, The Boston Red Sox organization premiered its own original theatrical masterwork:
Clay Buchholz was a stud last night. No, not the kind that Diana Souza, the pink capper from Melrose, thinks Master Buchholz is, but one the workhorse starting pitcher ilk. Clay gave RSN 7+ innings with under three earned runs last night at the Trop in St. Pete.
I think Terry's Take last night was an erroneous one. Some Okie Dokie would have put up a W and cure our Floridian headache.
Also from Young Buch: 9K, 3 hitter... but an L thanks to TF.
Clay Buchholz was a stud last night. No, not the kind that Diana Souza, the pink capper from Melrose, thinks Master Buchholz is, but one the workhorse starting pitcher ilk. Clay gave RSN 7+ innings with under three earned runs last night at the Trop in St. Pete.
I think Terry's Take last night was an erroneous one. Some Okie Dokie would have put up a W and cure our Floridian headache.
Also from Young Buch: 9K, 3 hitter... but an L thanks to TF.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Buying Red Sox Tickets Made Easy
Here are a few easy methods to buying Red Sox tickets online:
#1 - ALWAYS CHECK A FEW DAYS BEFORE YOUR POTENTIAL FENWAY PARK EXPERIENCE...The Boston Red Sox always release tickets in small portions as game day approaches. There are usually single seats to Red Sox games availble. I know, "but you wanna go with a friend." Buy two single seats, chill in standing room and scope things out when you get to the park. You will most likely find a couple together by the third inning.
#2 - THE FENWAY PARK SCALP FREE ZONE LOCATED A GATE B...This method of purchasing red sox tickets is especially good if you are by yourself and have a spontaneous urge to hit up Fenway Park. Starting two hours before game time, fans have a chance to unload their tickets at face value. The same method in #1 can be applied if you're with a friend.
#3 - PERSISTENCY WITH THE MOUSE...KEEP CLICKING AWAY!...be fast and ignore the "Tickets are unavailable in the quantity selected" or "Due To High Volume" messages. Usually after a dozen or two tries, you'll get something...sometimes even in pairs!!!
#4 - RED SOX YANKEES TICKETS ONLINE BLACKOUT...using step #3, you can now get single seats fairly easily to Yankees games at Fenway Park. Who cares if you bring someone...everyone is your friend in The Fens during these bloody battles.
To purchase, visit redsox dot com, doods. Click on the title of the post for the seating chart.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
(George Herbert) Walker, Texas Ranger
Tonight the BoSox take on the Texas Rangers, the team that stole the Washington Senators from the District... to the left is the former president of the Texas Rangers that stole the White House from Albert Gore. As we all know, he was the former commander-in-cheif of the Rangers. Personally, I think the guy below would have done a better job:
Thursday, April 17, 2008
The Rubbing Incident of 2007
"sometimes you just want to fix your friends' hair... pet them, you know?" -Jerry Remy
"gaaaaaa!!! Make them stop!!!"-Don Orsillo
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
What's the Man's-Manny's thinkin' about?
Holy crap? Baltimore's in first?
I would like you to adlib as well. Please, for the love of Teddy Ballgame!
I would like you to adlib as well. Please, for the love of Teddy Ballgame!
Monday, April 14, 2008
George Costanza Day at Fenway
This inebriated moron kept saying, "LOOKIT THA SKOWAH!" in attempt to taint the Nation while the Red Sox were being manhandled bh Chen-Ming Wang. He kept talking about how "he wished his business partner was here to see this!"
The gentleman behing me kept casually throwing peanut shells at his bald spot.
The rivalry lives on...just don't chant 'Yankees Suck.' You'll turn into this guy on account of bad karma.
The gentleman behing me kept casually throwing peanut shells at his bald spot.
The rivalry lives on...just don't chant 'Yankees Suck.' You'll turn into this guy on account of bad karma.
Friday, April 11, 2008
OMG! It's Attack of the Pink Capper!
What's a pink capper? Well it was discussed among 5 fans in Section 9 of the RF Box section at Fenway the other night after this pink capper told Jon Lester to go fuck himself for giving up a run. A pink capper doesn't necessarily own a pink cap (out of respect for the ladies of RSN that own a pink cap) but has a rather dumbed-down fanship with their team. Here's some examples:
OMG! Jacoby Ellsbury is SOOOOH HAAAHHT!
OMG! J.D. Drew is like the player I will like this yeah!!!!
OMG! Lester's like a loser for pitching bad...
etc...
There are plenty of women in RSN that know what Rich Garces' ERA was in 2001.
The pink capper is an uninformed baseball fan that enjoys the human anatomy of a ballplayer rather than his talent. They usually double fist beers and curse out loud in front of small children.
The one pictured was easy to make fun of us to the point where she birded us... Bill Lee would be proud of this!
OMG! Jacoby Ellsbury is SOOOOH HAAAHHT!
OMG! J.D. Drew is like the player I will like this yeah!!!!
OMG! Lester's like a loser for pitching bad...
etc...
There are plenty of women in RSN that know what Rich Garces' ERA was in 2001.
The pink capper is an uninformed baseball fan that enjoys the human anatomy of a ballplayer rather than his talent. They usually double fist beers and curse out loud in front of small children.
The one pictured was easy to make fun of us to the point where she birded us... Bill Lee would be proud of this!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
GOOD GOD!
Just when you thought McCoy stadium was a healthy family-oriented atmosphere... they go and put this friggin thing up!
Calvin Schiraldi, Pawtucket... what's the difference?
Calvin Schiraldi, Pawtucket... what's the difference?
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Say What??!
Ever wonder what this says? It says, "We promise to try and Keep Daisuke's pitch count under 200 pitches in 5 innings or he's fired."
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Chewbacca!!! What a .... lefty?
I'm very concerned about Jon Lester's potential this season. He's in my fantasy roster... I have his player tee (with number 62, bandwagoneers...) but I just don't think he's gonna cut the mustard. I have him at 12-11 with a 4.50 ERA in my head. If not him, than who? Chewbacca? Mark Redman? Johann San...oh...nevermind. Out of respect for Jon Lester, let's all scowl like him at the park when he's pitching...
Monday, March 24, 2008
Eephusticated Bill Lee writes his 4,323rd Book
Check out Sox hall of famer Bill Lee's new book entitled Baseball Ecentrics. It tells the story of how pitcher Bo Belinski literally screwed himself out of baseball and others...written by baseballs ultimate eccentric himself!
My favorite baseball eccentrics:
-Doc Ellis (No hitter on acid)
-Steve Carlton (Yoga in the locker room)
-Tim "Rock" Raines (coke in the outfield)
-Roger McDowell (invented the rally cap)
-Barry Zito (tie designing guitar slinger)
Friday, March 21, 2008
Ryshaunullen: The Triad of Evil
Do not listen to these people. They will turn you all into Devil Rays fans.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Bartolo: Blowing Hits Out The Colon
Bartolo Colon will never ever be a decent pitcher ever again. Here's him in a uniform that's more suitable.
If I am wrong than it's better than being right, right? I hope I'm wrong, but pretty sure he blows...Cosmetically, he kinda reminds me of Rich Garces out there. Fat, babyface, round... I suppose it's better than another season of David Wells.
Three Words: Out of shape.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Dice to Toss First
After being a back spazz, Beckett will most likely not make the trip to Japan paving a gold-brick-red-carpet-diamond-studded way to the pitchers mound in Tokyo for opening day. Dice K is the Franklin D. Roosevelt of baseball in his country. I give him 4 innings to give up 5 runs.
Two words: Hideki Okajima
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Dougie's Goin' South
Red Sox front office promptly put an end to a bunch of drunken Red Sox fans yelling "Dougie Goin' Deep!!!!!" by placing Tim Wakefield's preferred battery mate on unconditional waivers. God, that "Dougie Goin' Deep" thing was annoying...probably as annoying as the Dice-K headbands. Yah dood.
Here is the bullsh*t that prompted the imbecillary:
CLICK ME for "Dougie's Going Deep dot com!
P.S.
Mirabelli sucked. I was pissed that my tax dollars paid for that police escort when he "saved the day" against the Yankees in '06.
Two words: George Kattaras (but probably Kevin Cash)
Here is the bullsh*t that prompted the imbecillary:
CLICK ME for "Dougie's Going Deep dot com!
P.S.
Mirabelli sucked. I was pissed that my tax dollars paid for that police escort when he "saved the day" against the Yankees in '06.
Two words: George Kattaras (but probably Kevin Cash)
Friday, March 14, 2008
Shocker: Curt's Chillin' (on the DL)
The only way you'll see Schilling on the mound before August is in a video game. He's suprisingly been placed on the DL. My problem with Schill, and there are obviously problems, is the whole getting fat thing in the offseason due to video games and poker matches. Curt should follow Manny's born-again diet of greens. Curt needs to get a vegetable steamer and take some Metamucil instead of bitching and moaning on EEI. But hey, Curt can get a jump start on his new video game company with the millions he'll get for doing nothing. Yeah, yeah... I know he'll be rehabbing. I'm just venting.
10 Facts about Schill that aren't so bad:
1. He's a family man who loves his wife.
2. He loves video games.
3. He's charitible.
4. The bloody sock.
5. The whole sub-two post-season ERA thing.
6. The "wickid hahd" Dunkin' Donuts commercial.
7. The fact that he hates Barry Bonds.
8. The fact that he hates the Yankees.
9. He married a hot TV reporter.
10.He mentors young pitchers.
Two words: Clay Buchholz.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
The Smoked Dredlocks of an Olde Man(ny)
I just read mlb.com's article on manny's aging body and new eating habits. Manny is the 21st century Yogi Berra. I wonder what his Afflac commercial will be like. Maureen Mullen of mlb.com quote him saying, ""I like it. I don't need to read a whole book to know what it's about. It's about this," he said, pointing to his head. "It's about what you want. If I come to you and tell you I want to take you to my house and cook you a steak, then you'll know..." Good old Manny is eating greens now, too! He said, "if it's green, it's good for you." Even if you make 'em with brownies, right Manny?
But, seriously. Manny will produce...and he'll being eating produce while doing it.
Click here to read the whole article:
03-05-08-Boston-13
Welcome to Sox Blahs. I am Jason Layne... Red Sox Nation Member #4,132,199. My obsession with Neil Diamond led me to become a Red Sox fan. Well... not really. It all started when I read about the impossible dream of 1967, Bill "Spaceman" Lee and a Ted Williams' 3D colored-baseball spray chart that showed what his batting average would be if every pitch was in the same spot. In an effort to tame my insanity, I've decided to write my own column on the team, its history and its fans. From this point forward, my life will change as I will interview fans, players, ushers, vendors and ticket scalpers alike. I will make you feel less nuts. Trust me.
Welcome to Sox Blahs.
Welcome to Sox Blahs.
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